I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
