there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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