It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
