The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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