You work out of a Hotel?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
