I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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