Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
