her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
