I want to walk on stilts...naked
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need water and some morals
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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