and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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