I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
did you just send me my own nude
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
