i just sent this text using only my big toe
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
