Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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