So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
