first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
