The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
