tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
