Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
