Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
