i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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