Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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