Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
