Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
