There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
