You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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