too bad you live with your parents still
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
