Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
