Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
