Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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