it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
