its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
