the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am available for nakedness
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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