Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
