I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
