Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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