More tranny stories later!
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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