I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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