Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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