She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im six kinds of drunk right now
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
40s are totally the cure
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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