his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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