i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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