im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
