Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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