We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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