I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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