No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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