Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
