a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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