I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
