it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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