So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
