You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
